This may be the only honest thing about the entire enterprise.Īnd though testicles are symbols of virility and power, they are also the most sensitive part of the male anatomy. You, at the wheel of your coal-rolling F-250, are hanging jewels roughly the scale of a squirrel’s, relatively speaking. So manly.Ĭonsider also: This product comes in a variety of sizes and styles, but even the largest nuts are comically out of proportion to the truck itself. If you want some of these novelties check out or, the first company to sell these on the internet. But not before getting immolated with such flaming online arrows as this one, from badreviews.site: “They steal your personal and financial information and use it to their gain. The founders of these concerns fought bitterly over who really invented the novelty nutsack until 2014, when the guy behind Bulls Balls died.
The two big swingers in the truck-nuts game are Your Nutz and Bulls Balls.
You’d presume the creators of these things would’ve had a sense of humor about it, but that is evidently not the case. Add a fake sack to the rear of all that, and it’s a perineal bridge too far. All the “things you really need a truck for” mostly concern ego and maybe some light recreation. The carpet installer, the plumber, and the electrician all benefit from the van’s low load floor and long, enclosed cargo hold. For anyone with real work to do, a full-size van is a far more useful thing. For all others, it’s cosplay, a Stetson Highpoint for the garden center. But what is “truckiness,” after all? Isn’t it a pose, a farce? If you’re a cowherd or rancher, a truck is a necessity, and it functions honestly. What, you may ask, is their purpose? The best response I got was, “To enhance my truck’s truckiness,” which issued from the mouth of a drunken neighbor. SIGN UP FOR THE TRACK CLUB BY R&T FOR MORE EXCLUSIVE STORIES This story originally appeared in Volume 3 of Road & Track. The only difference between these swaying plastic scrota and, say, a bumper sticker, is that bumper stickers are occasionally funny. Lazier than mounting a tennis ball on an antenna, lazier than having the dealer pinstripe your Cadillac. But of the myriad ways to customize a vehicle, truck nuts-those fake gonads you see dangling from the hitches of pickup trucks-are the laziest. Car customization takes many forms, from the sublime to the ridiculous.
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